Jun. 26, 2002 - 10:45 a.m.
Ye Gods, It's Been Yonks..

Gawd, it's been yonks since I've written in here, sorry. I don't think anyone is reading this daily anyway, so I'm probably off the hook.

I finally shot a small and lamo audition tape to send to Toronto for this Indy film about demonic possession. It's not great, it's pretty dark, the lighting is crap, and I can't believe I am going to send it, but I just don't care anymore. I am focusing all my good mojo energy on getting this weight watchers commercial. This would pay me well, I wouldn't feel self conscious the whole shoot, they WANT me cause I'm round and gorgeous! I just hope they want me period. I need that money and I need that credit!

So we've managed to organize our holiday time from work so that I get FOUR weeks off this year. YAY. MEXICO I am coming hold your horses. It's just a matter of getting the money together now...which I know I can do, but could do even better if I got the weight watchers commercial. HEH.

I feel good today. Lately I have not been feeling good, I have been feeling restless and antsy that I am not doing what I want to be doing. I'm too comfortable in a job that I don't particularly love, and don't want to do for the rest of my life. My worst fear would be realized if one day I woke up and discovered that I had been working in this 9-5 job for 10 years. That would be grounds for suicide.

I have become mildy more confident in my acting ability, and after watching the monday class, they are incredibly good, and even their bad stuff is really good, they can really get away with it. I think I just have to learn to go for it. I need to GO for it. Don't worry so much about overdoing it, just GO FOR IT. I have to stop fearing.

Fear is the mindkiller. (Thanks Frank Herbert). Man I love that story, even David Lynch's film version wow it's weird. There are sequels apparently, but they aren't as good (the book I mean) But I own the miniseries version that aired on Space Channel last year and WOW it's good. You don't want it to end, you want the story to go on forever. You are perfectly happy with the idea of relinquishing your own life and watching their lives until you die.

I wish the mail would come.

No music today, sick of the stuff I have been listening to at work. Time for a new 8 hour CD!

old bitching - random - new bitching

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