Jun. 28, 2002 - 9:51 a.m.
Early Alvarez

Alright. It's early. It's nearly 10. Ok so that isn't really early, it just feels early. I am alone in the office again, save one person who I can't see anyway, so really, I'm alone. Everyone is at a board meeting.

There's something eerie about being in an office alone. Like you were locked in by accident on a Friday night and you are trapped and alone until 8:30 Monday morning.

What would you do? Would you struggle to get out? I suppose you could call someone couldn't you? Well, ok so lets say the office's alarm system is hooked up to the phones so they go dead when the alarm kicks in, and not only are the doors locked from the OUTSIDE, but the alarm is on and you can't call anyone. THEN what would you do?

Assuming that the computer system works, you could email someone, but you don't have the personal home emails of the people you work for. So you could email someone at home that you know, but they wouldn't know the people you work with or their phone numbers. So you could look up their cell numbers, since you have the staff contact list here, and email the numbers to your boyfriend and he could call them for you. What if they all had their cell phones off for the weekend? There are only 8 other people that work in my office. So easily, all four of the people whose cell numbers you have might simply have shut them off for a relaxing weekend at the cabin, or in Seattle. So all your partner could do would be wait outside the door and try to see you under the crack, maybe shove his/her fingers under the door trying to touch you. You could both lean against the door hoping that maybe one of you will get through by osmosis.

Or you could just run rampant! You could surf porn sites at your boss's desk. You could NOT make coffee. You could watch all the Risk Management videos and throw balled up paper at the screen howling and jeering obscenities. You could photocopy your butt. (Who wouldn't??)You could drink the booze that's in the cupboard saved for the Board Meetings and fill them all up with water. You could play your music really loud and write in your online diary. Oh wait, I'm doing that now...

Enough of that fantasy, it'll never happen. Too many ways to get out, and DAMN I'd get hungry. I have a weight to maintain HAHA.

I have an audition today and of course I'm all nervous. Crap. I don't know why I get so damn nervous. My SPS is going to flare up again. (sudden poo syndrome) No fear no fear no fear. Fear is the mindkiller. I really should adopt that as my mantra. I have so many fears and I ignore them so well, yet they still seem to control me on a deeeeep level. I can go through a day perfectly oblivious to my fear, but my actions betray me. I sweat, I shake, I get hungry, I get SPS. I have to get a hold of myself if I want to get anywhere in this business. Fear will destroy any great actors chances of success, no matter how brilliant you are.

I'm eating pringles and pineapple. No, they don't taste good together...

"There's a picture of Uncle Alvarez, hanging in the hall. Nobody wants to look at it, but Uncle Alvarez sees us all."

old bitching - random - new bitching

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