It's only a thought.

And in other thoughts, I find myself returning to someone else, someone from before who meant SO MUCH to me in my life for nearly a year and a half. Someone I would have done anything for, and probably still would. He has been prevalent in my daydreams of late, and his smile is something I can't seem to sweep from my vision. I don't give up on him, even though maybe I should and I guess that's my own thing, my own battle to wage. But I'm ok now, and I'm over things and I feel like I can be me around him now, whereas before, I was unable to allow that for fear that it wasn't good enough.

But I'm better than good enough, and I know that on some level, he knows that too, whether or not he acknowledges it. He made some sort of contact this evening. Whether it was to tell me to fuck right off or if it was to say ok, I'm ready now is unknown. But at least there was something, and that's ok.

I have chapped lips, I spent the evening at the rehearsal dinner with a crowd of couples, me being the only one not attached. I wasn't as sad as I thought I would be though. I was actually charming and fun and I felt like I meant it this time.

I guess life isn't all that tough if you take it moment to moment.

In other news, I got a part in a film that I auditioned for yesterday. Excellent. And I do believe it will be my first lead.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.