Remember that dream I had on Friday night? How I woke up in the middle of the night for a massive anxiety attack and then hyperventilated and panicked and cried and walked around and had to have a hot bath to make myself sleepy again?

Remember what the dream was about? I dreamt that I was pregnant.

I am.

After a wrist slapping from Anna yesterday I went and bought a pregnancy test. I did it in the private bathroom here at work. I didn't even have to wait for the result. The second my pee touched the stick the little blue line appeared and got darker and darker until it was darker than the TEST IS DONE line. I'm about as pregnant as you can get.

I waited to make an entry because I know Jackrabbit reads this and I wanted him to hear it from me, not reading it in some lamo diary.

I was so terrified to tell him too. I, of course, went through every worst case scenario possible.

But he was very kind. He didn't get upset, he didn't flip out and yell at me. He tried to blame himself and I wouldn't let him. He promised to support me in whatever decision I make.

I asked him if it were up to him (and it's not!) what would he do/want, and somehow he managed to change the subject. I still want to know. I know he feels it's my choice and he respects my position but I want to know what he wants, really wants.

Anyway. I am still wigged out about how I knew. How I had this dream and I've known for a long time, not needing a doctor or a test to tell me. I can't believe how my subconscious mind/dreaming consciousness was practically slapping me in the face saying "wake up, you are PREGNANT". I just KNEW. It's crazy cool.

Well, anyway, I have an appointment with my Doctor today at 2 just to make sure, and to make an appointmet for an abortion for two or three weeks from now. Give me some time to experience the pregnancy a bit, and some time to back out if I change my mind.