Dec. 18, 2003 - 11:32 a.m.
Animality

I often feel like emotions are a kind of drawback of sentience.

There are days when I would much rather just be an animal doing what needs to be done to continue the race. Hunting or grazing, ensuring the safety of my young, choosing from all the posturing males strutting about with their erect cocks when it's time to mate, running away from them until they caught me and then in 10 seconds it's over. No quest for an orgasm, no worry about whether or not he loves me or even cares.

Just worry about where and when the next meal will be, whether my babies will be healthy, keeping ourselves safe from the elements, the enemies. That's it. Food, shelter, safety.

Fuck all this rat race, make money, find a man, make your mark, find love, give love, buy christmas presents, own a car, own a condo, choose life, avoid drama, earn your career, work your ass off, look beautiful, am I worthy, am I beautiful, am I special, be successful, be compassionate, diet to death, don't wear leather, don't eat meat, dr. atkins, big boobs, small ass, pay your bills, be attractive, be sly, play hard to get, play games, pussywhipped, cock-locked, ball n chain, mother-in-law, be always better than you were yesterday.

Be always better than you were yesterday. I would like to just be for a day where I don't think all this shit, where I don't feel inadequate, where I know my purpose and it's simple and I live my place in life and I die knowing nothing, because I never knew anything to start with, and all I learned was how to survive.

Being human, being evolved, being an artist, being a mind, it's hell. This is hell, this is where all the souls go to suffer. The Christians say this planet was given to the devil, the god who fell. I don't dispute that sentiment sometimes. Nature is cruel, from our perspective, but I think ultimately, the animal kingdom is bliss, and we have to watch it go by.

Animality. And I don't mean Mortal Kombat.

old bitching - random - new bitching

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