I dreamed that I climbed onto the scale and it said 139lbs. I was like WHOA how did I lose 13 pounds over night? What the...that's crazy!! So I called Angie in (the woman I work with at the office) and said, look at this!

But when I climbed on the scale this time, it said 169lbs. I was mortified, I was so upset. The numbers were all backwards and upside down and out of sequence too so we couldn't really figure out what it was reading. I was crying and crying and we were trying to figure out what happened. I was really fucked up about it. Then I rebooted the scale (????) and stepped on again and it read 154lbs. Which was what I was this morning.

It seems the anxiety attached to losing weight that I carry is starting to get to me. I really am terrified of becoming fatter again. I guess that's why it won't happen, but it really does frighten me. Like when i start having children, how terrified will I be that I'll blow up like a balloon and never lose that weight again? Here's another reason why I better marry/have children with a man who doesn't have issue with my weight. What if I put on too much while pregnant? I don't want to be dumped or emotionally battered after. That's a horrible thought. So many women go through that in this society. I've watched Jenny Jones!!!

I have two weeks to lose 5 pounds. I'm going back on the induction phase of atkins, the super strict no sugar, no booze, no fruit diet. I need to, this is getting to be too much of a plateau and I know I can lose more. There's plenty of fat still on my body to burn up.

I need that money to pay off my Visa and for my holiday. I AM GOING on my holiday. I need it. I've earned it. I've worked so much. I have about $150 bux in vacation pay at the Arts Club too I think, so that'll be nice to get before I go..a little free money. I've got about 2 months to go before my holiday, so that's enough time to save up enough to get outta here for a bit. I don't have to pay for accommodation for the most part, as I said, though I will if I go to Halifax. So really it's cost of flight, transportation and entertainment and food. That's it. That's not bad. It's often the accommodation that adds up, 50 bux a night or whatever. I don't want to stay in a hostel. Hate them. Worked/managed two, don't need that anymore. heh.

Another long day ahead of me. Gym after work, then class after gym. I don't even know if I know my lines well enough. meh..we'll see I guess.

Sashimi for lunch!!!