Oct. 30, 2003 - 1:45 p.m.
Attachment

What a dilemma. There is possibly the opportunity to have casual and unfettered sex with Tromley, who is in a similar emotional place to me. We've both had a rough go of it in the last year and we both don't feel ready for any kind of serious connection with someone.

I'm also not entirely physically attracted to him in a partnership way, but my body wants to fuck his brains out. He's VERY thin, beautiful mouth, good brain, talks the talk, but that's about all that I find attractive about him. Would I be doing a JR by sleeping with him when I don't see a relationship with him? I suppose not if we both agree before sleeping together that it will be simply that, sex on top of the friendship we're already forming. And if we can't agree on that, then we just don't sleep together. Don't start...so to speak.

I'm seeing him tonight, we're going out for dinner the two of us before meeting a larger crowd for the theatre afterwards. There will be no opportunity for sex tonight, but I'm sure the topic will be discussed. And certainly fantasized about on my part.

The fear is still there too. That I'll talk the talk and such, but when the clothes begin to come off and mouths go places previously unvisited, I'll panic and not be able to do it. Not that it would matter. If I don't want to, then that's that. But I don't want to drag someone else through my own crap, it's not really fair.

Sod Off
I won't let you ruin this

Attachment is the word that keeps running through my head. That whole dream. Maybe haunting is the word.

old bitching - random - new bitching

Reads Like:
haven't read for ages. Feel kinda guilty. Read about two pages of Wuthering Heights last night
Sounds Like:
Hans Zimmer - Lisa Gerard - Gladiator Theme
Feels Like:
got a big underground zit that needs tending to. Ouch

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