Jackrabbit.

I remember this one time, right after we had slept together. He came and he collapsed on top of me and we were both pooped and warm and fuzzy.

His face was slightly buried in my neck and his hand was near my face. We lay there for a long time, and he stroked my cheek with his thumb.

God that felt good. It felt so good to be near him, under him.

If you were to ask me if he was an affectionate person, I would say no. But he was affectionate with me, in his own little ways. The thumb was just one indication.

I loved putting my hands in his hair. It is so thick and smooth and shiny and black. It is cool and warm at the same time.

I loved smelling his neck. Right below his lovely ears.

Humans are so frustratingly complex. God how I loved him, how I still do. God how he hurt me. How angry he made me, how helpless I felt. His big beautiful eyes. His sweet lips, that never really were meant for kissing. I love his fingers. I love his taut little belly.

My body and chest ache when I think about him. It got so stupid fucked up. I would like to hug him again. Feel him hug me. I hear his words all the time "I still love you so much".

He has a sweet smile.

I love you. I will never stop. You can throw me to the ground and kick me, and I will save myself, but I will still love you. Like breath and sunlight and sleep.

"baby cum angels fly around you reminding me we used to be three and not two and that's how the world began. And that's how the world will end."

I was in it for the long haul. And I guess, in some ways, I still am.