Jul. 17, 2003 - 8:58 a.m.
Back off, Get your own sandwich

Whee.

I'm in a better mood today. I had a swell class last night. I was told that my work was good, solid, strong work. My posture was fine, no hugging the table (don't ask) and she had no notes for me at all.

I love that! Those are times when I feel like, yes, I can do this job. I will be successful at this if I persevere.

I just have to figure out a way to continue pursuing my acting career while still attending school. I think I can do it, it just means missing the odd class, and I'll just have to get notes from someone. I better make friends in the classes asap then. (What am I talking about? I'm not even in the classes yet)

It's funny how as soon as I decide I'm not going to go after any kind of relationship or try to meet men, something comes up.

Fuck sake. Well, nothing has actually happened. And I am not going to make any moves. If he wants to he can. But there's a guy in my acting class, who I think I've mentioned before, MAL-R.

He drives me home after class and twice now has come in to hang out a bit, plus once we stopped for tea before he took me home. But I got the vibe last night that he might dig me a little bit.

Neat.

He's also very laid back, so the chances of him making a move on me are not particularly high, but I'm not touching it until there's something definite or there's some kind of indication that he really really really likes me, and has no weird bullshit, and won't dump me if we sleep together, and wants to date me because I'm great and likes the way I look ALL the time.

Actually, we had some conversations to this effect. At tea last week, we were talking about looks (we're actors...) and how they play such a huge role in our profession and the subject got onto people in our class. I mentioned that I thought women look better with a little weight on them. He agreed enthusiastically. I said Renee Zelleweger looked great in Brigit Jones and he pointed out that she was FAR too skinny in Chicago.

He even went so far as to mention that one of the girls in our class who by society's standards has a fantastic body (she's very very very narrow, tall and slim, not a speck of fat on her body) in his opinion was unattractive.

Hmmm. I see potential in this one.

But then, he's 22, and he's young and we got on the subject of wives last night, and yes, he's afraid of them too. Just like Trevor. That's so funny. I think that if they're under 25, it's a given that they're afraid of wives.

Though I know he wants to name his son Henry.

Whatever. Anyway, he's fun to be around, he's literary, intelligent, cute, funny, great sense of humour, the list goes on. And I'm going to leave him be.

Isn't that amazing? How long ago would I have been like, "I'm all over this one!!! Hook me up!"

I'm almost indifferent this time. I notice all his great qualities, and I pick up on the diggin me thing, and I just have no initiative to take it up. To rise to the challenge.

I feel like someone else is living in me, but I feel good about it. I feel like ok, right now it's about me, not what I can be for them. I don't care.

Oh, this morning? 157lbs!! New RECORD LOW!!

old bitching - random - new bitching

Reads Like:

Sounds Like:
Interpol - PDA
Feels Like:
tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea in my belllieeeee

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