I am.

I'm really sick of me. It was funny this morning how I felt like my life was over. Like work was finished in August, this n that is finished here n there, and I'll be done by the end of summer.

Like I won't be going to school, I won't be having children or a partner or anything, that I won't be doing any of that.

It wasn't like a suicidal "waahhh I wanna die my life is over" It was like, ok, I'm finished breakfast now, I'll be finished the laundry tomorrow, and I'll be finished life in 4 months, excellent.

To be frank, I wasn't all that bothered.

I really have grown weary. I'm pretty tired of how much effort living is. I don't want to panic about money. I don't want to stress myself out about work or school. I don't want to start dating again. I want the love I had. I don't want to start anything again. I don't want to slog through the rest of it, it's dragging on and feeling useless. Going around in circles. I'm furious with the acting industry in my city. I'm exhausted with trying to get agents to even fucking SEE me let alone sign me. No one will even fucking SEE me. It's bullshit and it's exhausting.

I'm tired of emotional involvement with people. It would be nice for it to be easy for once. Is it ever easy? Maybe it isn't because my emotions are not easy. None of them are half assed. Not one. I guess it's more exhausting being involved with me than it is for me to be involved with them.

I'm not easy. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. My chest feels tight again.

Yeah, anyone wondering why I'm single?