May. 03, 2004 - 3:56 p.m.
Choices v. Decisions

Here's something I've been thinking about:

We decide our own destinies.

There are choices, and there are decisions and choices are when you do something for no reason at all. Decisions are when you make a choice for a reason.

The trick is really to learn to live by choice rather than decision, but I think in order to learn to live by choice, you have to learn to make decisions in the first place. I've always let decisions be made for me. I let someone else decide what happens. So now, in order for me to start to LIVE my life, I have to make my own decisions.

I have to decide to remove things that do not improve the quality of my life. I have to evaluate carefully what these things are.

1. Jackrabbit had to go. He was making me a mess and he was critical and cruel. He had to go. I decided that.

2. The job at the Theatre is not making me happy. It's a source of unnecessary stress since the management system changed. It's bullshitty, and it has to go. I'm going to fix this soon.

3. Men who are self centred, self obsessed, think of nothing but themselves, I decide to stop allowing them into my life. I decide to stop letting them get to me. I decide to stop allowing my emotions to become tied up with them. This is a decision I have to make.

4. I have to decide to stop eating garbage, to stop being gluttonous and compulsive. I need to become a little more type A in this situation. I need to be on top of this. My body does not make me feel good. My body is not improving the quality of my life when I get like this. I decide to take care of myself.

That's basically it, in a nutshell. I DECIDE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

And sooner or later, I will be able to trust my choices, rather than decisions, as being something good for me, because I'll know that I only instinctually do things that are good for me. So I won't need reasons anymore. I won't need justification. I will just choose something and go with it.

The anger returns, didn't think it had gone far.

old bitching - random - new bitching

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