I am hungry, I want to eat something, but I get panicky because I'm scared to eat anything at all. Then I eat something, then I get all panicky because of what I've eaten, or maybe it's the fact that I've eaten at all.

I've put on so much weight in the last few months, 14 pounds nearly and that's just insane. I can't keep going like this so of course, food makes me panic. I guess therapy is the way out of this, and more exercise and stuff, but in the meantime, I feel off my rocker.

I've also been having more manic episodes, more moments of jittery giddiness where I speak too fast and unclearly, I say weird things that I normally wouldn't. Maybe I'm slipping back into the insanity of my early 20's?

Great!!

But on the downside, I find myself doing the same weird obsessive things I used to. Really, I've always done them, just on a lesser degree. But I obsess more, and harder, and more unreasonably. I worry what I'm thinking, whether it's right or not, I worry what 'they're' thinking, if it's positive or not.

I just worry, and that's unlike me. I've never really been a worry wart, no moreso than the next guy, but when I'm like this I worry all the time, all day, about everything.

Augh.

I tested myself today and I didn't pass my test. So I wait.