May. 14, 2004 - 1:14 p.m.
A Brief Index of Crying

There are different kinds of crying.

1. The kind when you've hurt yourself, or stubbed your toe. It's a bit panicked, it's frightened, it's frustrated a little at having been injured. It's usually over pretty quickly.

2. The kind when you've had a fight with someone. When you've become so angry and so frustrated that you couldn't vent yourself properly or get your point across, or you don't feel heard, and you just huff it out and cry for sheer frustration because there's nothing you can do about it. It's usually a heaving, heavy cry. Sobbing.

3. There's the kind when you've lost someone/something. The cry of empty loss and a hole left. The kind where you feel injustice and anguish and empty and cheated and ripped apart. It's often loud, there's sometimes screaming, stuffing your face into a pillow. It wracks your body and screws up your face. Your stomach heaves and you can't swallow properly. Sometimes your mouth just opens in a silent scream, you make no sound but your eyes are screwed shut and your fists are balled and you just want to scream until you can't anymore, you've no voice left. It's the cry of missing someone so profoundly that you cannot breathe.

4. There's the pure sadness cry. Where you sit down, rather quietly, put your face in your hands and quietly sob. Tears roll off your lashes and drop to the floor, big fat ones, and you watch them through soundless breathing. Your body barely moves, shakes a little with the not really there sobbing. And you feel awash. Like there is nothing else in this world, and nothing for you but to sit where you are and flood the floor silently. It's the cry of those defeated. Those who give up. Those who realize that things are meaningless, have been all along. It's pure, total, and complete sadness.

This is my cry today. Number four. I left a river on the washroom floor. Then I wiped it up. I hardly made a sound. It was gentle, it was warm, but it was vast and black.

old bitching - random - new bitching

Reads Like:

Sounds Like:
Groove Armada - Superstylin'
Feels Like:
a number four

1 fussbugets said...

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