The Lawyer asks me to talk about what's on my mind all the time, and I'm getting to a point where I feel stupid saying some of the things I think about. Not because he makes me feel stupid, but because when I hear them, I think, wow, that's really fucking stupid. I have to learn I really have to learn.

I was saying earlier to jackrabbit today that it's funny how when I am with someone, men start coming out of the woodwork. Like there's a guy at class, an older fellow, who I think is, if anything, mildly attracted to me, and is highly complimentary. The cute boy at the smoothie shop informed me that he's broken up with his girlfriend. We've been flirting for months and months. He's a sweetheart. There's another boy in my acting class who is a friend of a friend, who actually expressed his desire for me in the past, and has since joined my class. It's now kinda awkward and he follows me around the whole time. Poor fella.

I think it has to do with my confidence level. I am getting laid, so that desparation is removed. I am more radiant because I'm happy. I feel good about myself, I feel like, hey I'm worth something, someone out there really really likes me. I think that other men pick up on this stuff and see me in a certain light. They see the happiness and the contentment and feel like that's really attractive. This is just an assumption or a guess. I don't really know why, but that's what it seems like.

I finally spoke to the friend of the Lawyer that was crushing on me. I told him that as much as I loved hanging out with him and enjoyed his company, there was no romantic interest on my part. He seemed good natured about it, though I'm sure he was hurt, cause that stuff always hurts. He said he figured that much and had given up a little while ago. Now, after a little time, there's no excuse for the lawyer not to tell everyone and if he doesn't I am going to have to reevaluate my life as it stands with him.

Blah. I have to stop stressing about life and things. It's silly really. I could be dead tomorrow and none of this will matter anyway, so why bother?

I have a 'date' tonight with my 'boyfriend'. It's so weird to say that. It's weirder to hear him say things to me like "well, you're my girlfriend, of course you can do that". It's alien, but it's nice. It's slowly sinking in that I am with WITH with someone. What a nice thing!