That it is close to not bloody likely that I find someone in this lifetime that really feels as strongly about myself as I do about them.

If it all comes down to sex, and that men get tired of having sex with the same woman over and over again, and that might be part of the reason why relationships don't really last, instinct, then what's the fucking point?

I was told not to give up, that things can get better or they can get worse, so you could try to make them get better. I was told that just because of a few bad experiences I shouldn't just cash it in.

But it hasn't been just a few bad experiences. They've all been bad. They've all been a lesson in why I'm not good enough, or hot enough. I'm smart enough and fun enough, but those two things put together still aren't enough without the rest of the package.

Yah, I'm done for a while. I fucking give up. I'm fucking tired of hoping for something good and feeling like I'm getting the short end of the stick.

There are guys out there who are interested in me. I'm not interested in them. But that doesn't make me a hypocrit. What I want is someone who likes me as much as I like them. I would never lead any of those guys on, and I haven't. I haven't given any of them the impression that I want to be with them. I'm not unkind to them. But I've never given them false hope.

What I'm tired of is men staying with me long enough to sleep with me, maybe a few times and then deciding we're not right for each other for stupid reasons. REasons like, "I don't look good in clothes, in every day life, I only look good naked, and that's not enough" or "my friend really likes you, so now I feel like an asshole". Or no reason at all. Just gone.

whatever. I'm just bitching and moaning. But I've learned something valuable tonight, or important, if not valuable. That there will always be something, that no one is really quite right for anyone else, and if you find it, you're fucking lucky and hang on to it, because the rest of us will never have the joy of realized love, true and real.

One can always get laid. I suppose that will have to do for the rest of us, won't it.

*denial (the nile)