There's no one to lash though.

I feel like so many things in my life went unsaid. So many things that hurt me or I felt were unjust and I couldn't or didn't say anything. How do you get rid of these things years after the fact?

How is it that I forgive someone on some level, yet am still angry? Is that because I haven't forgiven them? Or because their apologies and attempts to amend things were insincere and didn't mean anything?

I find it so hard to believe people now. It's like I can trust them, but I don't trust them at all. I'm so ready and wanting to give someone trust, but I don't do it. It's like forgiving, I'm so ready to forgive and want to get past things but I can't or don't. I don't understand.

And now, I just expect things to go sour no matter what. So invariably, I seem to steer things toward sour, and then say "see? I knew it would go sour."

Anyway. I don't know what my point is at all. I'm feeling used and rejected suddenly and sad and directionless.

Alright. Distraction needed till I can go home and have a good cry. And a bath.