Apr. 11, 2004 - 10:04 a.m.
Craziest Dream Ever

Started out that I lived in this house with Jelen and we were broken into by these two guys. I was cooking one night, for doug and shirley and had been gardening all day moving trees around, giant ones, into the floor in the middle of the kitchen. I forgot that Doug and Shirley were coming for dinner so I quickly whipped up some pasta and was going to make a cheese sauce with cheddar and feta and I was raiding the house to find cheddar and I had a few squares of feta. I made these little tequila and lime cordial drink shooters and they didn't want them, just tea.

Then we got broken into and some how shirley and doug were gone and they took my piano and a bunch of other things, but they were still there and keeping helen and I hostage. They finished making the dinner but didn't find the stash of cheddar I had and so the sauce on the pasta was just feta and I bitched at them for it. Then at one point one of them choked or something and I whacked the other on the head with a plate and we escaped. We were outside hiding behind a car on the ground and waiting for the cops to come. We all had guns suddenly and were shooting at each other periodically. then we got away and suddenly I was with this guy Lucas, that I work with.

We were married because the first time we tried to get married, we were broken into and it interrupted our plans to get married. So this time, we said, let's get married BEFORE we get to the house, that way we won't be interrupted again. But we got to the house and sure enough, it had been robbed and all the same things were missing. So we went to a hotel in town and talked to a religious guy who was also a cop. We were in the middle of having sex in the hotel room, talking about how we were now married when this religious leader guy just started to walk into the room without knocking.

I was naked. Lucas and I started fighting and we regretted marrying each other.

Disjointed memories: arriving at the house and finding the theives all bundled up and ready to take away; the backyard of the house with all the old trees that I had somehow planted; the house itself, which was white and old and full of character;

MAJOR SWITCH.

Had this boyfriend and he was a showoff. Cross between Alex Day, Tromley and someone else. Sam Rockwell? He was rollerblading on the highway super fast and being really cool when he was hit by TWO semi trucks headon. Somehow, all that he had happen to him was massive burns, and the weren't even that bad. I got to the hospital to see him and he was in the shower with a nurse bathing his burns in cold water. Somehow I was then naked. He wasn't disfigured at all, and looked rather beautiful, if not a little bit red.

shower was over and we went into the hospital room he was in, which was makeshift and the beds were made of highschool gym mats. I was still naked so he handed me a bathrobe which was totally too small, and my breast bulged out of it and it came down to just below my crotch. I commented that I looked like a chick in a rap video and we both giggled. But I kinda liked it.

We planned his escape. i would come up in this bathrobe telling the nurse at the front desk in my best attitude riddled LA voice that we had tickets to a basketball game and he had to leave since our flight was leaving in two hours and that he'd be back after.

The nurse looked at me and said "we're overcrowded. He's not here" wink wink. I said, of course he is I saw him today and yesterday "and she said, look, if he's not on the roster, HE'S NOT HERE". Meaning that if the fire department or whatever knew how many patients they had, they'd be fined or shut down or something, like a club after hours. So she was denying he was there because he wasn't official.

So I said, "well, if he's not here, you won't mind if I take him" so I took him and we got in a cab with an indian woman driving, and we drove to fucking India. We were looking at all these apartments that had doors to the outside that lead nowhere but straihgt down courtesy of gravity. It was gorgeously sunny and there were several of us in the car. Me, Gouri, Helen, Alex D. Nathan, and we were with this cab driver woman. And there were cows everywhere and I commented on how it must be weird since none of them can be touched.

She said, not in this part of India. There's a week during each month that you can't touch them to honour their cousins in areas where they're holy. But these are livestock.

They were huge cows, I mean HUGE. We kept dressing and undressing and getting sunburns because the weather was so hot and weird.

I realized that I could climb out of my skin and I had this classic carving, something greek and mythical on my hip. every human had one apparently, we were just born with them and I wondered aloud why we were, and where they came from.

Then I climbed out of my skin and found a pocket of crisco-like fat in my hip and under that was a plug. I thought, what the hell? so I pulled out the fat and the plug and said, does this make me look thinner, or weird because it's only on one side?

They said it looked fine, so I climbed back into my skin and thought, yeah it's fine. So we started walking and it felt really strange to not have this thing in my hip. I thought I would get used to it, but I didn't, and after a while walking and driving and sightseeing, I said I had to put it back in.

But suddenly nothing fit back in. The plug was huge and clunky, the fat wouldn't sit right. So I was outside my body suddenly, looking at it open and skinless, trying to fit fat back in and looking at other fatty places on my body where I might be able to take some out. Helen stopped me and said, DUDE you're not supposed to do that, it'll fuck you all up, stop it. So I put the hipfat and plug back in as best I could, while everyone else was bored and irritated waiting for me.

I couldn't get it in right, so there was a rectangular shape sticking out of my hip now because the plug wouldn't sit flush.

Then alex, who had a place in india, had to go, and start working. So we said goodbye to him and I carried a garbage bag full of clothes to a depot for him. My hip was working now.

Tons of other little details that are unrelated that I can remember.

The trees while we drove, the cab driver speaking to us, my breasts bared for the other passengers while I adjusted my skin, the clothes I wore, all the layers.

Man that was vivid and weird.

old bitching - random - new bitching

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