Once again I have FUCKED something up beyond recognition, when all I ever needed to do was leave it alone, but I couldn't and I didn't and then I got pregnant and then I got even more messed up and he doesn't even have the heart and soul to say "yes you fucked up majorly arianna, and things are weird now, but I always meant it when I said I loved you and I understand that you're having a rough time with things and I'm glad you're getting help, I will be there for you."

Instead, he ignores me. He refuses to see me. He refuses to talk to me. And in actual fact, I believe he is going to tell me today that he never wants to see me again, never wants to hang out with me again and that I'm horrible and awful.

I guess the first thing on the list of things to stop doing in my life in order to feel good is to let him go.