Then I started to wonder, is this the way it is with everyone? Does everyone else work this way? Does it take seeing someone else feel something to make you feel something. Same with happiness. "I'm happy because you're happy" No "I'm simply happy". This is I think where I differ from so many people and it's why I'm always hurt, or whatever. I generate my own emotions, they come from me, inside me and from my gut. Is this self absorption?

Does this mean I feel sorry for myself? I don't know. But it works with happiness too. I don't rely on other people to make me happy. I want other people in my life, because I'm happy when there are other people in my life, but I don't think I assign being with someone with being happy. I can be happy on my own, I've done it a million times.

Or do I? I want so much to be with someone, and because of this, I don't find anyone. EVERYONE I KNOW quotes the quote "when you least expect it..." or "when you aren't looking for it, it'll come". Even my 15 year old little brother is saying this to me, and he's never had a relationship in his life! He's only just now got a crush on a girl a grade below him. Cutie pie.

Anyway. Am I asking too much of people to feel things like this? Am I a freak? Chances are, no. I'm deeply sensitive, I'm sympathetic, empathetic and all those things at one, which isn't an easy way to live. You feel everyone's pain as well as your own. It might be easier to just be empathetic. Where you feel pain because someone else is feeling pain. Then you just have to shut that person out, and you'll never feel a thing.

This makes some sense now. Bradley, a guy that messed with my head several years ago was one of these people. He shut me out and everyone else out, in order to not feel anything. So I felt it all for him.

Ok, I'm making headway. But I think I've learned from this little entry that that's the way people are. I can't expect someone to feel something they aren't capable of generating.

I could resign myself to the idea that I will always be the one with emotion enough for the two of us.

Maybe numb isn't all that much better. Look at the richness of my life! HAhaha.

Chuckle snort.