I know that there are things in this diary that have hurt people, that will hurt people, that are hurtful. But they are what cross my mind at times because I am insecure, I am sad, I am lost, I am full of mistrust. I'm sorry that people get hurt from my words. I really am. I'm sorry that my mind wanders to things that are hurtful like this. I don't know how to control this, it's on it's own path.

I just want to be happy, like everyone else. I just want love, like everyone else. I just want the people that I love to be happy, and things to work out for the best. It's sometimes hard to see what the best is, and we all like to think that the way we want things is the best way.

I guess that's why the world isn't perfect and conflict free. We all think we know what's best.

So I do apologise for horrible things I have said. I can't unsay them. But I can at least offer sincerest humble abject apologies. That is all.

Part of being me is all the facets I carry. There is so much love, so much hate, so much bitterness, so much optimism, fear and trust. I'm emotionally bipolar. This is what I am. And I love whom I hate, and hate whom I love. Can you understand this?