As of tomorrow, 4pm, my diary will no longer be public.

I will still be reading you guys, I'll still be here, writing for my own sake. But I'm afraid my diary is now more trouble than I need.

I'm tired of having my words thrown back in my face. I'm misunderstood, I misunderstand.

I write how I feel in here, I write what's in my head and heart at the moment I'm writing. Despite the fact that this place is public, it's still personal and these things I write about are close to me and people who knew about it, yet promised to not read it, do read it.

Every day. And though they come from a place of trying to look out for me, it's more from a lack of trusting that I can look after myself, rather than a place of support. I appreciate the effort though, but now I feel violated, in a way.

I feel like this whole volume has been used as a testament to why *I* am the asshole, the liar, the bad person.

So I'm afraid the only choice is to lock it. Or delete it. And I can't do that. It's a year and a half of my life and my words, and I've poured a lot of my soul into stuff in here. I think it would break my heart to delete it more than anything. Like deleting a piece of me.

Maybe down the road somewhere I'll open it again? Who knows. Just now is not good.

So tomorrow, at around 4-ish, ok guys?