Sept. 25, 2003 - 9:18 a.m.
Feeling Good vs. Feeling Bad

OK I'm on the backswing. I feel a lot stronger today, and braver. I had a good class last night, had tea with MAL-R and chatted. Did some decent work in class. Saw what I looked like on camera after two months. Yeah, I'm skinnier.

I'm coming to some decisions. I've made a few promises to myself. I've got an appointment with a counsellor next friday. I'm not drinking any alcohol for a long time, not even while in Toronto, sorry guys. I'm doing things that will improve my mood. I'm going to bed earlier. I'm getting a better sleep. I'm not eating late at night.

One big promise I'm making is almost hedonistic in value. Do things if they make you feel good. Don't do things if they don't. And feeling good means permanent feel goods, not temporary feel goods, like eating half a cake, drinking myself stupid.

I have one vice left that I want to do one more time before I give that all up. I want to do 'e' once more. It's an unparallelled experience, despite how bad for you it is. No speed, just mdma. The loved up stuff.

But I really want to curb these things because I'm a depressive person, it's easy for me to get into a bad state, and doing all these things makes it even easier. So by eliminating things that affect my mood in a negative way, I can ensure that I'm doing my best to conquer depression without the antidepressants.

I think being in a metter frame of mind will help me deal with things better, will give me a stronger foundation on which to stand so that when tragic, sad, horrible things happen to me, I will be able to take them, suffer through them and make it out alive on the other side.

So let's hope I can keep this up. I should make a list.

old bitching - random - new bitching

Reads Like:

Sounds Like:

Feels Like:

1 fussbugets said...

Site Meter