I talked to Jackrabbit and we had the age old argument. How I don't understand how he can love me so much like he claims, but not want to be with me because he doesn't like the way I look in clothes. It's fucking ridiculous, and once again, I will be flooded with comments saying, what the fuck? He's an asshole you should never speak to him again.

Which believe me I've contemplated. I can't seem to do it. It's almost like I have to break up with him or something. He believes it's possible for us to be in love with each other and go about our lives in relationships with other people and just be friends while still being so in love with each other. I don't know if I can do that. I wish he could see him from my perspective and how all the things he says are so ridiculous sometimes. I suppose he wishes I could be logical like him and see things from his side of the fence. But I can't be logical about emotional things. I can hardly be logical about LOGICAL things.

Love is hardly the subject to be logical about though, because nothing about love IS logical, in my opinion. And CERTAINLY not jackrabbit's love. It's utterly illogical from where I sit. But he's rationalized it to the point where he believes he's justified in his views and that they aren't shallow. But they are. I don't think you can really love someone unless you love ALL of them. And accept their faults and imperfections.

My favourite quote:

"True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

Jason Jordan

Why doesn't he SEEEEEE that? I would do anything for him because I'm a fucking fool, and I'm pathetic and I dont' know what is wrong with me.

Fuck this shit.

I am zen. ZEN I tell you. I need therapy. I really need a counsellor. Maybe they can help me let go of him and get on with it.

What's so fucked about it is when I was with Trevor he became all wistful about me and sad and longing and he regretted his decision and all that shit, because he saw me being a good girlfriend or something, and the very second I am single, he reverts back to not wanting me because I'm fat.

He's fucked up! It's not me is it? All along, I think it's me that's fucked up. But it's not.

Because I'm fucking ZEN.