Well, it seems for the time being that life has hit a good patch. I should ride this wave while I still can.

I pick up my headshots today. Nervous. My photographer made a point of working very slowly citing "There's no 'i hope they turn out'. These will all turn out." kinda attitude. So they better freakin turn out!! HAHA. But it's so hard looking at photos of yourself and not seeing all the things you pick on yourself for. Oh, my lips look weird here, my hair looks weird there, I'm making a weird face, blah blah. When someone else would look at the photos and think WOW, holy shit you look amazing. I never see it. Well, I used to not see it. But maybe this time will be different? I'm in such a different space confidence-wise.

Right. This is the last stepping stone. I have no more excuses to not go get an agent. Not one. If I don't go get one this time it's because I was afraid and didn't try, not because my headshot was old or something. Fear of success.

When I told my mother I was going to school, she said "and hoooow are you going to pay for this?". Yeah. Thanks for the enthusiasm. So I told her I was going to get a student loan, and work at the theatre more, maybe 20 hours or more if possible, and then hopefully, gramma will cover me if I'm short the mortgage. I have such conflicting emotions with her. She's my mum, I adore her, and she means well sometimes, but I can see her self-concerned behaviours and her jealousy that gramma gives me money and not her sometimes, and I feel bad. Gramma said she wasn't going to give mum any money anymore because she went back with David, her evil Christian husband, so now HE can support her. I wish my mum would just work more and make her own money, then she wouldn't have to worry.

Anyway. Other happy-ish things. Tromley seems to be unpacking some of his baggage. He had a big talk with his ex and she got weird and he felt weird and he and I had a big ole fight over the weekend and I chucked him out of the apartment and he cried all the next day and has basically, more or less, barring some big event with ex, chosen me. I am not getting my hopes up, I am not trusting that this is what's now happening. It could all crash down at any moment. So I'm keeping my options open. I'm not committing myself to ANYTHING.

But wow, it's nice to feel appreciated and adored once in a while. Wow.

I have good hair today. Good hair. Good.