Cracks me up. Then my train of thought went like this. Argh. Do I usually write Argh? No I write Augh. Where did I get that from? Calvin and Hobbes. And then I thought, I need a photo of calvin saying "augh" to post here because he's almost always got the best face when he's doing that. Or burping. His "brrak" face is great too.

But I didn't find one on the net. All I found was this one:

So that was my train of thought for the last 10 minutes.

I went to the doctor's this morning, and he upped my dosage on the meds. I'm not sure about that... I wanted to try a different kind and he felt that the reason I was having trouble was that the dosage was too low. So now he's doubled it. There goes all hope of having sex at all. Not like I am getting laid anyway right now.

But do I need to be MORE numb or do I need to get off the stuff and deal with feeling awful? People say the latter is always better, but I'm not really sure it is, in my case. I seem to see problems more clearly, and am able to approach them more objectively than I can when I'm not on the meds. When I'm not on the meds, I'm immersed and wrapped up and caught up and I feel like I want to die.

That's not helpful at all. I go through such a range of emotions as it is, when I AM on the meds. I still have depressive shit going on. Maybe that's why higher dosage is better?

Yes. Feel nothing. That will make my anger at Jana and Tromley at least vanish or go somewhere else so that I can get on with my fucking life and stop getting caught up in things with people that I want to be with or care about or whatever.

Caring sucks. I've cared too much about everything all my life. Maybe it's time to see how the other half live, and not care a whit.