I am going to stop feeling sorry for myself. I am going to stop imposing my sad thingies on other people. I'll still vent here, that's what this is for. But Jackrabbit is becoming frustrated with me because it seems like every night we spend together at some point, I get heavy on him.

Yesterday was tough though. I found out that Chris has a new girl. I hesitate to say girlfriend, as he says that's not what they are at this point. But what got me was that he told me they have been fucking pretty much constantly. She's one of his house mates, so they live in the same house.

This reflects to me. He never fucked me "constantly". He fucked me mostly when I wanted him to, and then it was badly. I'm so completely crushed. I'm glad he's found someone, that's great, I'm not upset about that. It just means that through our entire relationship, he never truly wanted to fuck me. I guess I didn't turn him on or something. ARGHSHGSHKV I'm angry about it. This, maybe through no fault of his own, has ruined any chance of friendship. I won't be able to look at him ever again. I don't want to meet her, I don't want to be involved with them in any way, shape or form.

See, now I've broken my new years resolution already. SHIT! Although I don't know if this is feeling sorry for myself. I just want to kick him and be done with it. Fucka!!!

One more day of work tomorrow, and I have a day off again. This first week back at work has been tough, but it's gone by SO fast, ZIP ZIP ZIP.

I've been running in 45 minute sessions this week. Monday, and last night. I also went to the gym on tuesday, took a break on wednesday, and tonight I'm making Jackrabbit some comfort soup because he's sick, and it's all my fault because he never gets any sleep when he spends the night at my place.

What can ya do? I feel ok now. I can do this, I am going to be HAPPY, goddammit.