It's been me all along. I'm the reason it's hard to keep people in my life. I'm the reason.

I'm completely unpairable. I'm like a molecule of saturated fat. I have no room for hydrogen. I'm all full up of my own hydrogen. People come towards me, they present themselves, but I have nowhere for them to attach. I have a sign somewhere on my forehead that says "no no no, you can't come here, no no no, no room for you, you can't come here" in a scary enough manner that they feel all weird and go away.

But the stupid part is that I think I'm unsaturated. I think "why won't all these hydrogens come attach? I have all these places for you to bond, why won't you?" Maybe it's been me all along that keeps people at arms length.

I am so emotional, it's frightening for some. It's daunting to think about how to deal with me.

Quite possibly, the whole reason Tromley went back with Jana was that it was easier. It was already done, all the hard stuff, and with me, the hard stuff was yet to come. The learning about each other and our reactions and things. It's a scary, arduous road and might end nowhere.

God, if that were the truth, then I should go back with Chris.

I prefer the road less traveled. Maybe that's why everyone keeps going away. They're getting tired of the hike.