the bus ride was packed and I had to stand. my head is raging with a headache I haven't had for a long time, since when I was recouperating from the accident.

I was ten minute late for work and I don't care. I actually have some work to do today, and I don't care.

There's a withdrawal happening. I'm in this strange push pull where I want to get away from everyone and everything. All the people that are in my life I want to push them away and keep to myself, and the people that are not in my life, I want to bring closer. I want all this solitude, but I don't want to be alone. So what do I do? Spending time with other people makes me feel more alone than being alone, and being alone is so quiet that I want to scream to fill the space.

I have an audition today, the third this weekend, and I don't want to go, once again. All my fears rising up for no apparent reason. This is easy, it's old hat for me. I've done billions of student project auditions. My life is not on the line here. But I still don't want to go.

I feel broken. Like my head is broken, my body is broken, my heart is broken. So without those three things, what is a life anyway? Can't think (hurts too much), can't feel (hurts too much), can't eat (hurts too much).

I feel a bit of a breakdown coming on.