I was devastated by that in my dream, and that's made me realize I would probably still be quite upset about hearing this news in real life.

In this dream though, he still loved me and had his arms around me and he started kissing my shoulder and we started to touch each other and it got pretty hot and heavy and it felt really really comfortable and right and I was so happy at that moment and I woke up thinking things were ok with us.

What an awakening that was, then, to remember that things were not ok, and that he hates me now and that his love for me was never truly realized. I do miss his body and his smell and his touch and his voice and his laugh and his eyes. I don't miss his criticism. But last night, in this dream, we were real and right on and it was GOOD.

How it hurt to have that feeling leave me.