So now here's the deal. I am still addicted, I'm still an addict. I know that my addiction is bad for me, I know that it causes me harm, makes me hurt, makes me a slave, makes me into someone that isn't me.

So I know I have to kick the habit. But you don't kick a heroin habit or a coke habit so quick. Sometimes it's a long long long rehab road and you get lost on the way, you relapse, you fall back into it.

Then you start again. You go through the withdrawal that makes you crave and cry and want to curl up in a ball and die. You want it so bad, just to make things feel better. Your friends can be there to help you, support you, but they can only do so much.

So what are the 12 steps to kicking an addiction?

I know at least one. Acknowledging you have a problem. I've done that.

My name is Arianna, and I'm a JRholic.

Anyway. Now it's a matter of just taking things one day at a time, each occurrence as it comes, and trying to do my best to learn to love myself again.

So to all of you who expect me to be able to just drop him, tell him to fuck off, and suddenly be happy, you obviously have no idea what you're talking about.

The one problem with this analogy: you can't be friends with Heroin once you've kicked it. You just can't.

So why am I trying?