I'm feeling a lot better. I only miss him a little bit, when little things remind me of nice things we did or said.

I've had small epiphanies and I'm going to take some very good advice that Jackrabbit gave me.

Just be.

No need to get mad anymore, though I'm sure I will. It's going to take lots of time to adjust to this, I'm going to have to constantly check myself.

I am going to be in control of my emotions. I'm going to be in control of my thoughts. I'm going to just be.

I'm sleeping with Jackrabbit again. It's nice, it's gooood. I really missed him in that capacity, more than I realized. And I still love him, a lot a lot a lot. But I don't want to be with just one person anymore. I don't want a relationship, not with anyone, and that includes him. So it's sex and friendship and if he finds a girlfriend in the meantime, that rocks. Hopefully it's a girl that doesn't mind open relationships and might even be a little interested in a game that requires three people to play...

Buuuut, if not, then I'll miss sleeping with him, but there's always sex, it's not hard to get laid being a female. Just hard to get loved.

Tim, also, no hopes up in that respect. I can't wait to see him, it's been such a long time and I've really missed him, but again, I just want the friendship. If something came of it, cool, but I will not expect.

It will be really refreshing to have him here, injecting energy into my life. You see the same people all the time and you love them, but it can get stale, sometimes. It'll be brightening to see him.

So. My state of being right now. A single girl who would like to stay that way indefinitely while still enjoying carnality with someone she loves dearly.

In other news:

I have cramps and my period, blah.
My weight is back up to 163, I was badly behaved during my birthday week, may also be water retention due to damned period.
My grandmother has offered me $1000.00, yes that's thousand if I can get down to 150lbs by September 1 of this year. I can do that.
I spent all the extra money I had, on my Visa and in my savings, over my birthday week. That was dumb.
I got a french bikini wax yesterday, downgraded from brazilian. I'm just not ready for the ass-wax yet. Plus JR likes hair.
Apparently Trevor misses me.
My brother mailed me a birthday card. What an awesome kid, I admire him.
Work is normal, no stress at the moment. This is nice.
It's very sunny here.
My house is getting better and better, now if I could just clean the kitchen.
I got my Gramma's old sewing table. It's about 25, 30 years old. I think there are hook and eyes in there from the 50's.
There has been a higher instance of hairballs on the carpet this week. I think Oliver Spoon needs to switch to hairball control.
My garden is dying.