All the layers of what I do and why I do them. Ok so the first layer, the superficial, face value what you see.

I get up and go to work every day. I get on the bus and I go to the office and do this all day. I type, I answer the phone, I file, I do errands, I do various other little things. I also on occasion hop on another bus and go to the theatre to work a shift. I sell tickets there. That's all.

Next layer. The first reason behind the work. I get a paycheque. I get a paycheque every friday from the theatre. I get a paycheque on the 1st and the 15th of every month from the gov job. I put these paycheques in my bank account.

Next. Why do I put the paycheques in a bank account? THis stuff is not obvious but one can assume this if one saw me on the bus going to work. I have to eat. I have those basic living expenses that everyone else has. Various bills. Hydro, phone, cable. I have to use those paycheques to pay for those things. For clothes, food, etc.

Then there's the stuff that's not so obvious. My RSP that I must maintain. My mortgage, which cleans me out. My strata fees, which clean me out even more. I go to the gym, I have to pay for that. Condo insurance, food for my cats, the water cooler, my acting classes. All those things are things that one couldn't assume if one just saw me on the bus going to work. They don't know how all the work I do is really for these things.

Then there's the other stuff...the holiday I want to go on in October. That if I didn't have a job I would have all the time in the world to do, but no money, but since I have the job, could possibly have the money, MAYBE, and no time to do this stuff. All the things I want to do but can't. The yoga classes I want to take. The double bass lessons, the salsa classes, the pilates, the personal training, the Bachelor of Arts I want to get, the law degree I want to get, my love of language. All these things that take time and money, neither of which I have. THe acting career I want and don't have.

Then the final layer of all, that everything I do right now, I don't want to do. That the first layer is a trial, it kills me everyday to maintain this life that I have that I don't really want.

No one could guess that about me on the bus either. Or could they? Maybe it's written all over my face.