I don't know what to say. I lie here with you and tears well up in my eyes and my heart aches because I know that things can't always be like this. Everything changes, inevitably. Especially when involving the emotions and relationships between people. Nothing ever stays permanent, and nothing ever stays the same.

Right now we spend so much time together and it's easy time, looking into each other's eyes and touching and fucking and watching each other with affection. I miss you when you aren't around and you miss me when I'm not around. I make you laugh the hardest any woman has ever made you laugh. Any PERSON has ever made you laugh. I'm your rock, as you've told me before. You comfort me and remind me what it's like to be easy and relaxed with someone. I can't write all the things that you do for me or make me feel or make me want to do for you, there're just so many.

But it's going to change. One of us is going to feel differently soon. I'm going to fall for you more, and it's going to hurt too much to be with you, or you're going to fall even further away from me, which will hurt me too much. It seems that in any of these outcomes, I am the one that's going to hurt the most.

The worst part of all this is, I can see you falling in love with me. You just don't want to because I don't fit your ideal of what you thought you would fall in love with. I don't know what it is you're holding out for. Some higher message that "this is the one"?

The infatuation you're expecting will happen with other women, that's a given, it will happen, and often. But how long does that last for? What happens when the infatuation, or the "spark" runs out? Then you're left with nothing. There's no friendship there, there's no solid foundation, and you'll end up jumping from one infatuation to the other, while thinking about me, and what ever happened to me, and why did you let me go when you still had the chance to keep me.

It's so sad. It breaks my heart, and I think that we should stop seeing each other now before I wait too long and it hurts even more. If that scares you and you don't want to lose me, then YOU act. YOU stop me from leaving. You've convinced me sufficiently that you aren't worth fighting too hard for, and I don't want to be the one putting my neck out there anymore.

I'm going to miss you so much and I hope that you find what it is you're looking for. I'm sorry it wasn't in me.

Love always,

Arianna.

These are the words I wish I had the guts, the courage, the balls and the resolve to say to him, but I can't because I'M TOO AFRAID to lose him. Chris is nothing compared to the intensity of emotions I feel for this guy and it physically makes me ill to contemplate telling him to leave, because the worts would be that he does, and I lose him entirely, forever.

I have PMS, and man, do I get sad. I need friggin therapy!