Apr. 11, 2003 - 10:45 a.m.
Manic is not all that Bad

I know I complain a lot about being manic. Since I have such low lows, the highs are that much higher. I often wonder, do I feel highs more than 'normal' people?

When I was on antidepressants, I felt nothing. I didn't feel bad all the time, but I didn't feel super high either. I never had the giddy goofy highs that I get when I'm unmedicated. I just stayed all around the middle, on an even keel. I think that's good for people who don't recognize their problem and tend to get bogged down in their own despair, but when you know your lows are temporary and just part of your brain's journey, it's not so scary. And you can start to appreciate the other side of the coin.

I'm happy this morning. No reason at all. I was so depressed last night too. I was so so sad. I cried for no reason at all, I was feeling very inadequate and responsible for too many people's feelings and all that stuff.

But this morning the first breath of air I took in consciousness was cool and refreshing and I felt like I could do anything today. I was a little groggy when I got up, but when I got up, I was UP. I feel so good right now. I feel so buzzy, I want to go pay for and pick up my art. I want go clothes shopping. I want to pay some bills and put some money in my savings account! Wheee!!!

I lost more weight this week, I'm down to 161.5 lbs, a record low, I don't think I've weighed this little since high school. If I break 160 soon, you will see the happiest girl ever! My first goal, which is 10% of my ultimate goal, is 158 pounds, which is not all that far off! Then it's another 13 pounds and I'm SINGING. My first goal is 145, and maybe less, but we'll see from there.

old bitching - random - new bitching

Reads Like:

Sounds Like:
Cold Play - See You Soon
Feels Like:
UP UP UP

1 fussbugets said...



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