I don't want to do this. I don't want to fall for him. He's going to hurt me, in the long run, I can tell. Why does this happen to me? I don't want to get excited and smother him. I don't want to pull away in case he decides that's good. I don't really know what to do, so I guess I won't do anything, I'll just keep being me. That's all I can do.

It's just going to get me hurt, that's all. Although HE offered to help me move some furniture on Saturday morning, and HE invited me to his company Christmas party.

I spent the night at his place last night. It was lovely. First time I'd been to his house, it's this really cool oooold school house with hardwood floors and dark wood paneling on the walls and wide stairs and carpet in the bathroom. OH yeah and the toilet is in a room completely separate from the sink and the shower.

He has a futon.

Other than all this fear inside and the worry that things will go sour, I'm pretty happy at the moment.

I needed him right now, I needed the affection and the physical contact, and I am past the rebound point right now. I just want to experience realness. Chris wasn't real. He wasn't passion. Jackrabbit is honest, and forthright, we made that deal at the beginning.

I just can't think about it too much, I'll get scared. So here it is on paper, out of my head and into my PC and now I can get on with my day.

Hope he emails me!

Tee Hee.