I lost a friend today. Nobody knows it but me. Not even the friend. Nobody will know it but me, and whoever reads this. And it'll still make no sense.

I need to cry, I need to go to the bathroom and cry right now.

FUCK I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being emotional, I hate being medicated, I'm tired of feeling alone all the time, and I mean ALL the time. I don't understand how to change that. I have made the efforts to change this. I alone ALONE have made efforts. I've given of myself like there's no tomorrow. And it's been taken and left. So what do I do?

Sure being alone is fine. But really think about it all you who harp on your high horse that you have to be ok with being alone. Are you ok with being alone? Really and truly? Bullshit. Imagine being completely alone for the rest of your life. I guarantee you are not ok with this.

I want to share my life. I love to share it. I love that. I want to have children one day, not alone. I want to be old with someone who wants to be old with me. Because we're best friends and always had been.

I fucking hate this I fucking hate it so much. It's not fair it's not fair it's not fucking fair.