I hung out with McBurney last night. I met him a couple of weeks ago, while I was still feeling really fucking sick. I actually had met him once before that too, but I'm bad with names, and I think I was drunk. Anyway. He's kinda cute in a nerdy way. I think he's a little spazzy for me though. Don't know.

Anyway, we went to an art opening and I met a whole bunch of gamer types. YAY. They're the kind that Jackrabbit should meet because he's always complaining about how the guys he games with are all about battles and wargaming and all that shit, and he wants to play DnD like it's a story, all for the storytelling rather than the fighting. Anyway, these people seem to be all about the story, so I'm going to hook them up.

Anyway, McBurney. I think I freaked him out too at one point. He asked me about my exes so I told him about the last three. So that was a mistake probably, but quite frankly, I don't care. My ego has taken a step back because normally, I care if people like me or don't, and if they don't, I feel like I've failed somehow. In this case, I don't care at all. If he decides to not hang out with me ever again, I don't feel like I should kill myself over it. I don't feel like I need to do something to change his mind, whether or not I'm interested in him. And I'm not really. I am not interested in wooing anyone at the moment. At all. The thought of putting in that kind of effort is kinda repulsive to me.

I was saying to plopstar the other day that the only way I would consider dating anyone right now is if they were someone I was terribly infatuated with or in love with or fascinated by etc. I'm not going to find guys for the sake of having someone to date. Jackrabbit's right, maybe I did want a boyfriend. (though not in his case - I want him, the PERSON, not the idea) Though one could say that I was looking for someone to take my mind of of JR, so that I could get on with things. Though I did have a boyfriend for a while, Trevor. And it didn't help. JR and I seemed to want each other more. So that wasn't the answer anyway.

MY POINT that I'm getting at is....I would rather be single than date just anyone. So there are two people right now that I would stop being single for. Jackrabbit, as a given. And Tim, in TO.

Simply because I've always had a crush on him. I have always wondered about us, since LONG before I met Jackrabbit. I'm not going to TO expecting something to happen, but my point is that if something did, I wouldn't turn it away because it's something that I've always wanted.

I really want to see him again, and see if we'll still have the same fun time together.

So otherwise. It's single for me. I can't be bothered to put in the effort to seek something out. I think if it's meant for me it'll find me. Dig?

You'll also notice that I've added a colour. I felt that since everything was white, no-one could tell if there were links around, since it all looked the same. So I picked a colour that matched the psycho chick's eye. I thought it was a nice touch. If you hate it and think it looks brutal prissy, let me know, I'll think of something else. Since you're the ones who have to look at this page, not me.

I spent too much money yesterday, and now I'm semi-regretting it. I love what I bought, and I needed work clothes because none of my old work clothes fit and I look ridiculous 90% of the time, everything is so big. I just feel guilty for spending money...thanks Jackrabbit.

Oh well, I look great. I've kinda made over myself this week. I've been wearing MAKEUP!!??!! What's happening, shit I AM a girl!! And I've been dressing better since i bought some new things to wear. I blowdried my hair...

Jeez. Anyway, maybe it's time to start revelling in my beauty now, while I'm still young. I need to appreciate my youth and vitality before it's gone forever, because one day it will be, like all of us.

So hell, why shouldn't I look great? It feels nice to walk out of my apartment in the morning thinking, yeah, I feel really good, I look really good, this is going to be a great day.

Then I get on the bus and have to stand, and get to work and the servers are down. Yeah.

But I LOOK great.