It's scary how much I miss him when he's not there. The night before last felt so weird. I was alone in my house, and suddenly I was hearing all kinds of creepy noises and thinking paranoid thoughts and then my motion senser light outside went on and I thought "I'm going to be raped now" for certain. But I wasn't. It was ok.

He's so warm when he sleeps. His skin gets all hot and soft. He doesn't snore. He makes little coo-ie noises when he's waking up. Little groans and moans and things. It's sweet.

He drove me to work this morning. I was late because he couldn't get up. But if I had my way, neither of us would have gotten up.

I had mega cramps this morning, which is good, because now I know I'm not pregnant. YAY. But he was all worried and careful with me. He wanted me to stay in bed and drink copious amounts of tea while he made me a big eggs n onions breakfast, his specialty. That would be the life, I tell ya.

He and I keep fantasizing about taking off and living on an island. Remember my running around naked on an empty island entry? He wants to do that too. He even went so far as to tell me he saw an island for sale for $3000. Definitely got me thinking. Maybe we could just get a boat and take off and live on it? I'd rent out my condo, quit all my jobs and beat it in a second if I could. I need something to look forward to in life.

It was weird after my holiday was over. I felt like I had nothing to look forward to or work toward. Like ok, now it's back to the perpetuality of work and how it seems to never never end. I guess I have a few long weekends coming up. It seems that there's at least one long weekend per month now, plus my flex days, so it's not so bad, but still.

The Lawyer manages to give me something to look forward to, on a much smaller level. He's on holiday from school right now, he's going to start fourth year in May, so who knows how much I'll be able to see him then, but for now, it's nice to look forward to seeing him and spending time with him.

I feel a little silly. I look back at my diary for the past 6 months and it seems like I fling my emotions around so much. I'm in love here, I'm in love there, and all this crap.

A friend of mine said to another that I would "go through a lot of pain for a little bit of pleasure". I think this is true of me. I think though, that sometimes, the pleasure I'm after is worth that pain.

I see good things in so many people, and those things make me love them, and I can't help that I want to share that. Sometimes it works out, most of the time it doesn't. But sometimes, in the case with The Lawyer, unexpected things come out of nowhere.

Not just unexpected, but previously discounted too. I was attracted to him, but I thought to myself, never, it will never never happen. But suddenly I found myself with his hands in my hair telling me how much he loved talking to me and how soft I was. And now, he's calling himself my boyfriend and it seems we have plans to be together for a while, at least. I love life's surprises, the good ones anyway! haha.

Well, I guess I've gushed enough for today. It's just neat to be in this position where one person is in love with me, another may be well on his way to being in love with me, and another is infatuated from afar. I've never felt this good about myself before in my life. It's uplifting to be wanted. It validates me, and I know that's pathetic, but I've spent so much of my life loving other people and not having that love returned, that now, karma is giving back to me and all I seem to get is love, at least this past week it's been like this.

Maybe it bodes well for other things to come in my life?