It came to light to me recently that probably 60% of why I cry is because I'm angry. I never learned to express anger properly when I was a child, I was shut down by my parents, mother, grandmother, pretty much anyone, so when I was angry, I was sent away to my room where I had no outlet for anger. So I would become exceedingly frustrated and break or kick things and then just cry.

So now, when I'm angry, I almost completely circumvent the anger and go straight to frustration and crying. And not just sad crying sometimes. It's often heaving wracking sobbing. And god there are times where I've had to hold back my heaving and it's physically painful to do so.

I'm angry at Tromley, though I knew better going into this. I walked into it. And now I'm pissed. Half of me wants to feel like he's entirely full of overblown shit, the other half wants to believe he's sincere. Today, the overblown shit side is winning. I have to stop reading his diary.

I'll probably feel like this for a little while. It's just as well we're not communicating till after Easter and till after he's sorted out with his ex. By then I'll have cooled down and have gotten past some of this nonsense we've managed to plink ourselves into.

Argh.