It's not easy to remember the reasons for things from 10 - 15 years ago, but I know the reasons now, and they're not exactly what some would call 'healthy' reasons.

Reason #1- I'm an actress. I want it so badly. I'm good. I'm driven, I have talent and ability and a face that suits. But my body does not. I'm not an idiot. I can have a career being overweight, but it will be a career full of playing characters that are made fun of, the best friends, the comedy roles, because fat people are funny, right? That's not what I want. I am capable of going all the way. I'm capable of leading roles, major dramatic work. But realistically, I will not get those roles at my present weight. I certainly would not have gotten them at my previous weight.

Alternatively, I know I will never have a body like Gwyneth Paltrow or Nicole Kidman (admittedly, I don't want to either..too skinny!) but I CAN have a body like Sandra Bullock or Kate Winslet, or Catherine Zeta Jones. I'm tall enough that I don't look squat, I have a muscular build, I have the blueprints for an amazing body. And I think that's enough. I want to be that body.

So that's reason number one. In this world, disgusting as it is, I need to be thinner to be a successful actor in the capacity that I want. I could settle for second rate being chubby, or I can work hard and see what I'm capable of.

Reason #2 - Jackrabbit. He opened my eyes to the way most men think. They love me. They fall in love with me, they think I'm the most amazing woman ever, but they aren't physically attracted to me. They don't look at me and think "oh wow, that fabulous woman is with me, I'm so infatuated" They look at me and think "oh wow, that fabulous woman is so nice and fun and smart. I wish I could be attracted to her but I can't be." I know, I know, then those men aren't worth having, but to be honest, men are visual creatures, almost exclusively. And I think 90% of North American men think this way. Gay men find me more attractive for crying out loud!!

Anyway, I do see this as a pathetic reason, but I'm tired of feeling awful and ugly for things like that. It's sick, but it's the society we live in. It's not going to change any time soon, no matter how much I protest.

Reason #3 Shopping. I have a partiular style, as do we all. I want to dress a certain way. It's almost impossible to express yourself in fashion when you cannot find clothes that fit you. It's the most frustrating thing in the world to try on the largest size in every store and have it be just that little bit too small. The buttons pull, you can''t do the pants up, your fat rolls bulge over, too tight in the hips so the pockets pucker out, the thighs are too tight, doesn't pull down over your hips, won't zip up. All of those things are some of the most discouraging upsetting feelings in the world for a North American woman. I want to be able to dress how I want, feel great in it, look great in it, and express myself in such a manner.

Reason #4. Me. I know it's sad that this reason is not at the top of the list. We would all like it to be at the top of our lists. But it's not. You could say that this reason ecompasses all the above reasons, in a way. But really, losing weight for ME means instead of crying and griping and moping about my weight, like I have for the last 15 years, I'm now DOING something. I'm not poor mee-ing any more. I got up and I said "Right, it's time. Do it" and I did. That's a personal challenge met. That's a goal I'm striving for. That's something that makes you a better person, following through with something, finishing what you've started. I rarely finish what I start. This time I will. In a way. Lifestyle never finishes, so to speak, but I am going to follow this course through until the day I die. It's unbelievable the feeling you get when you suddenly realize that you are half the person you were, physically speaking. Your clothes are hanging from your body. And you think, WOW, I actually did it. I did this. It wasn't that hard after all! All I needed to do was *this* and look what happened! YAY ME!!

That's a good reason.

So those are my main reasons. Also, my gramma is giving me money. That's a good reason too. =) But those up there are the main reasons.

Let the comment fest begin!