Jun. 21, 2004 - 9:48 a.m.
ran out of meaning?

There comes a time in your life when you do something you've done a million times before and though you may not have loved it all the time, even then, you do it again and you realize it's nothing.

There's nothing in it, no gain, no connection, no enjoyment anymore. It's just nothing. This can be a good thing depending on what it is. Let's say you've done heroin all your life and done it hard and well and often and though you knew on a lot of levels that it wasn't good for you and it left you wanting more and feeling weak and empty, you still did it, and perhaps more often. Imagine one day doing heroin, after all this, and thinking "wow, that did nothign for me, I felt nothing, I want nothing, this is just...nothing".

Would you stop then? Or have you been doing it for so long that you couldn't change it even if you knew? It's hard to say what the mind will do.

Anyway, I learned something yesterday and that something is pretty profound, to me,at least. Let's hope it sticks.

old bitching - random - new bitching

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