May. 09, 2003 - 2:12 p.m.
Regrets
What is your biggest sexual/dating regret?
Probably my biggest regret ever is sleeping with so many guys. Too many over my lifetime. I was such a sad child, so lonely and unhappy. I found myself using sex as a way to get attention and to feel loved, even if it was only for a little while. It got a bit addictive in that I would feel lonely, fuck someone and feel loved for that moment, and that feeling would continue, but only for a very short period. Then I would find myself feeling used and empty, and feel that I'd used that other person too, which would lead back to feeling lonely again, and the vicious cycle continued. I was pretty, but unattractive in how I dressed, how I carried myself etc, so I didn't get attention from boys. But they would pay attention to you if you satisfied their teenage drive for fucking. I regret not giving myself more credit. Loving myself more and respecting myself more. I'm sure there are people out there that I haven't seen since I was 14 that still think of me as a slut. I regret that.
One night stand?
I have had so many one night stands in my lifetime it's ridiculous. I could write the book. Yes I regret probably 90% of them.
Never going after a crush?
There are a few crushes I think that if I had handled them better and went for it, trusting myself, I would have been successful. But I didn't think I would have been, which meant that I'd lost right at that moment.
Letting someone get away?
Yes. I let someone get away. He thought he could never love me and I believed him so I let go of him. And now I find out that he loves me anyway, more than I ever ever knew. And I felt like he could be the one. You know how we feel like there's one person out there for us sometimes, and if we could only find them, we'd be happy. Well, I found him, and it didn't make me or him any happier. And now, we can't go back. We can never go back. It's ruined and all we can do is be friends and be hopelessly in love with each other from arms length. Pretty tragic.
old bitching - random - new bitching
Sounds Like:
Asia - Heat of the Moment. Yes I'm cheesy
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I miss my jackrabbit.
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