I learned that almost all of my uber bad memorable experiences in my life have some kind of connection to feeling rejected.

So to oversimplify, I have major rejection issues/fears. I have a fear of being rejected, and I have a serious issue when I perceive that I have been rejected.

I'm sure a million people are thinking (I coulda told you that for free!!) but it was something that had to click in my mind.

Probably my whole issue with weight is rejection based. When I was a kid and was rejected from the crowd in the form of being teased and tormented and laughed at, I would feel bad and feel that I didn't belong. So I would think "why are they doing this? because I'm fat. Fat must be really really bad to make them reject me like this". So I associate being heavy with being not good enough. Society aside.

There are several other things that relate to this idea in my life so it really does make sense.

Since I am a sensitive person, I also take things to heart much more than another person might. So one thing might make someone else feel kinda annoyed but fine about it, but the same thing to me, I would take directly to heart, and hard, and consequently feel rejection and back to the old drawing board.

So part of this healing is to learn not to take things personally.

Ok so the next questions are these:

Why do I place so much stock in rejection? Why do I care so much? Is feeling rejection and taking it negatively something we're born with or is that behaviour I've learned somewhere along the way in my life? How do I now go about learning not to take things so personally? How do I go about lessening the importance of being accepted, and lessening the blow of perceived rejection?

I don't wonder if this stuff is the core of all my other shit.