I'll talk about the wedding at length once I have some photos organized (it was FAN-freakin-tastic, that wedding) but I wanted to get this idea down before I forget it.

I like Jana. She's quite fun, and she's nice. What I don't like, is Tromley when he's with Jana. He's a different person. Because the person I know was someone else - the someone that was in love with me and reacted to me in a way that people who like each other a lot react. But that person is gone, at least when Jana is around, and mostly when she's not too. I see glimpses of him, now and again. When we compliment each other on how great we look in our wedding guest gear. When we giggle about a joke and he rubs my arm. When he hugs me for whatever reason. When we catch each other's eye and smile and linger for a second. I see a twinkle there in him of the guy that loved me and was almost willing to try to let go to be with me.

But for the most part, he's this guy about to marry. He's basically a husband now. And more alien to me than I thought possible. It was weird. So in a way I've lost more than I thought.

So I liked her, I didn't like him with her, it's just all so strange. I tried very hard though, to be ok through this. And we did have fun, the three of us. At one point, Jana and I ran off giggling to fill the wedding couple's car with balloons and to tape their ginch to the radio antenna. And after doing that, I kinda wished I had met Jana INSTEAD of Tromley. I would have made friends with her, never fallen in love with Trom, would still know him through her, would still have met Chris and Nonie through both Jana AND Trom, and things would be fucking swell right now.

Now if I could just go back and rewrite things a bit..

Oh yeah, haven't mastered that omnipotence thing yet. Shit. Well, I'll keep working on it. Gimme a sec.