JR called last night, though didn't leave a message. I only knew it was him because of call display.

I didn't call him back. I did, however, send an email saying exactly this:

"You called? I saw your number on my call display"

He answered back:

"Hey. It's ok, I've sorted myself out. Tty soon."

????

So I replied to this:

"Could you be a little less cryptic please? Sorted yourself out? "

To which he said:

"I wanted to talk to you about something, but now I don't need to."

And this is how all of this has made me feel. In the past 2 months, there have been so many occasions that I really needed to talk to him, just because he was someone who would make me feel better at that moment. Having a bad day? I would love to have been able to just ring him up and hear a friendly voice and feel better. But I was not allowed to as per our silence agreement. So I didn't call him. I sent him a sporadic email here and there and they were all shot down.

How is it that after 2 months of not speaking to me, he suddenly calls because he needs to talk about something? I think it's nice that he feels that I am the person he wanted to talk to about whatever it was, but the kicker is this: He sorted himself out, he doesn't need to talk to me anymore so I go back to waiting status. Back to silence.

How can I not feel toyed with or manipulated? That was blatant power exertion. I'm so tired. I thought something would change over the last two months. But he hasn't changed at all. He's still the same. I've changed and I can see this stuff going on now. I don't know what his intentions are or were or what.

But if I am going to be on call for him as a friend and an ear, he has to be the same for me.