I bit my cheek.

I was feeling REALLY sick this morning, all stomach crampy and nauseous. I felt like I was going to puke this morning before I got on the bus so I actually drank cream. I thought it would be heavy enough to tide me over until breakfast. But when I got to work, I couldn't stomach eating eggs so I had some celery from my lunch and some cream cheese and I broke down and cheated at lunch, eating a bagel and cream cheese with soup. It made me feel 90% better though, and I had a nap, which was nice but I was all shaky and groggy when i was woken up at the end of my break. Felt awful again for a bit, but now I'm just burpy and feel ok.

So I suspect I have to take it a bit easier on this diet, I am upsetting my stomach.

Still at 159 pounds, haven't lost any in the last week. That's not good, I think. But I'm not going to beat myself up over it, it's not that desparate a thing. Sigh.

I don't have anything interesting to talk about today, just some crap. I had a section of a book I'm reading that i wanted to type up into here, but I left the damn book at home in the bathroom where I was reading.

I miss the lawyer.

jackrabbit invited me to go salsa dancing on friday night. I'm afraid to go for a bunch of reasons. a) I know two moves. b) I'm not so hot at those two moves. c) I know all of one other person at this place. d) I don't want to get close and sweaty with jackrabbit because I don't want to be tempted. I also don't want him to be tempted, though I'm sure he has plenty of restraint.

I just don't want to be in a situation where I want him. Because I do want him a lot of the time, moreso because we can't have eachother anymore. So it's just dangerous. The lawyer won't come either, there's no fucking way. He hates salsa and is a bit preturbed by the idea that I want to try it out and take lessons. I think moreso that he doesn't want me dancing with Jackrabbit either.

He's not stupid. He knows our history. He says he isn't jealous and that he doesn't feel threatened. But it seems otherwise, to me, so I think I'll be sensitive to that and not go dancing with Jackrabbit. I know that if he had an ex that wanted to hang out and talk and do all those things, that I would feel uncomfortable with it. So perhaps I should just respect his feelings a bit and pass.

That feels right.