I was just going through my 50 most visited pages and I forgot about this one. Sigh.

Read my fantasy from the bus this morning on the previous entry to this one.

Lalala.

One of the guys in the office just came and asked me to turn my music down, which sucks because I didn't think it was all that high to start with. Grrr. It was pretty quiet. BUT, he works harder than me, has a LOT of work to do and is a really really nice guy, so I just turned it off.

Lost another half pound, but my weight won't be official until Sunday morning, which is exactly 2 weeks since starting the Atkins diet.

I know I sound vain and weight obsessed, which in turn makes me seem a little vapid, but to be honest, I've spent pretty much the last 14 years of my life unhappy with my body and this the first time in those 14 years that I am full on hardcore motivated and doing it and having it actually work. I weigh less now than I did when I was 16. And it's not vapid to feel happy and excited about that. It's not shallow and vain to see my hard work and perseverance pay off.

Remember a while back when I said I thought my life was coming together? Here it is. The convergence begins. I have taken control of my weight, which in turn, enables me to take control of a lot of emotional turmoil. I am seeing someone really great, and have removed the past relationship baggage like Chris and Mike (which was a relief, in retrospect, that we didn't waste our time and money). There's still some baggage regarding Jackrabbit, but that's on it's way out the door too. And what I'm left with is a really great guy, and the capacity to accept him.

As my weight comes together, so will my acting career as my confidence grows and my (sadly, in a way) marketability grows.

It's like a lot of people's problems. Sometimes there is one thing standing in the way of what you are/have and what you want/who you want to be. For me it was weight. And weight is totally something I can control. It's up to me to do it.

Sometimes it's something one can't control, but more often than not, it's fear of success that holds someone back from controlling the one aspect that they feel is barring their way.

I'm conquering it! YAY ME. That's why I'm not shallow and vain and vapid.