"The two most powerful warriors are patience and time."

__Tolstoy

Here's one that will definitely leave me illustrating this out in my mind all day. Looking for examples of how my patience and time have been at each other's throats, or eyeing each other acidly from opposite sides of the line.

You could say in the situation of Jackrabbit that my patience for him to maybe come around one day is at battle with how long it could take for that to happen, if it ever would. Time would win if I gave up and said, I deserve better. I would win if I stuck it out. But then again, maybe I wouldn't. Because there's that wild card factor, someone else.

How about losing weight? It takes so long. If I can just be patient and plug away at it, doing the best I can and being diligent, then I will get there. If I can't, and I can't wait anymore and think it's taking too long, then I could give in and just get fat and drop my aspirations.

These are stupid examples, and trivial. There are so many things in life that are so much more important that my petty shit. I know that.

I heard someone say once that your own personal pains, no matter how small and pathetic compared to the suffering in the world, can easily be the biggest pain in the world possible because it's your pain, and you have no frame of reference.

Then go to India. You won't feel so sorry for yourself then.

I have said so many times how I should remove JR from my life but I couldn't. And now he seems utterly inextricable. I couldn't remove him if I tried, it would be like removing all my limbs. Or part of my nervous system. I would cease to function normally. Or maybe it's more like removing one of my kidneys.

I wouldn't function normally right away, it would take a lot of getting used to and adjustments in my life but I eventually would get used to it and be fine. But those are pains I don't want right now.

Other news:

I still haven't talked to my mum or gramma. Things are not better, as far as I know.

My mother and her husband offered my little brother $20 to watch two films on Jesus. Can you believe that shit?

I can't seem to break 158 obs. I got to 157.5 and it's wobbled around there a lot. I have to step up the fitness it looks like. Fuck.

I stabbed myself with a toothbrush in that little thing that attached your upper lip to your gums. Now it's all tender and swollen and feels weird. Grrr.

I ate jelly beans. Bad.

My Aunt bought my living room chair and couch (which she originally was going to get from my Uncle, but she gave to me and now wants them in as a set) for $1000.00. I almost shit myself with joy, can you believe that?

I have a month and two weeks to go to lose 8 pounds. That's 6 weeks, roughly. I better do something drastic. NOW. Ugh. I need that cash for my trip across canada.

I have a headache.

That's enough.