Last night was the screening at Cap College for Chris and Jana's film and all the other film student's projects. I hadn't heard from Chris yet and I didn't know where it was at the school or anything so I called Tromley and asked him if he was going.

He was, but he was getting a ride from Jana and her parents. He offered, however to drive us both out instead so I zipped down to his place and we went. It was fine. I was trying very hard to kinda keep a distance between us. I just didn't want to get googly on him.

We got to the theatre and saw Jana and everybody, and I could tell he wanted to sit with them, but there was no seat for him there. So I just sorta went my own way and sat down on the side, leaving him to do whatever he wanted.

Then Chris spotted us and was waiving and he had two seats up by him so I went up to sit there, and Tromley followed. I didn't really think he wanted to sit with me, but I wasn't going to bring it up. At half time, we met everyone in the lobby and there was lots of milling around.

Jana completely ignored me, and they were wanting to leave and Tromley had brought Champagne for them to drink, so they left. He offered to give me a ride somewhere but I was not invited to join. That's fine, I wasn't invited to go with him in the first place.

I guess because I was standing there and talking to Tromley for a sec and then Jana walked up and domineered suddenly, and didn't look at me even for a second, while I was looking at her waiting to say hello. So finally, I just said "OK" and walked off. I heard Tromley call out "Bye" behind me but I just kept walking.

Nonie and I were talking on the weekend and she had said that Chris often got Jana's side of things, and the impression was that she didn't want to get back together with Tromley, that she was really happy with this other guy she had been dating. But I think my addition to the equation has caused her to become territorial. I sense jealousy, I sense superiority, I sense that she likes that he wants her and not me, which is why she brought it up with him. To see where his priorities lie.

"I don't know why you're hung up on me, she's gorgeous" or whatever it was. I had a few theories on why she said that, but I strongly believe now that it was her reassuring herself that he wasn't going to take off on her.

So there you have it.

Fuck it, they can have each other.

OH the thing I'm doing that I didn't want to do? Starting to have contempt, ill feelings and resentment regarding Tromley. I knew this would happen.

Question: Sure you can want something so much and so badly that you'll do anything. You fight for it with all that you have. But what do you do with it when you get it? Would it really make you happy?

Don't know the answer anymore. He's suddenly becoming a person I didn't think he was.