Aug. 06, 2003 - 10:36 a.m. It was also his attempt at being emotional about this fight we're in. I erased all of my replies. I didn't finish any of them. Because it's futile now. There's nothing I can say to him to describe how I've felt all this time that he'll believe. He thinks my words mean nothing. That I spout shit. He thinks I've ruined the friendship by resenting him for not being my boyfriend. I think that's trivializing it a bit. I resent him for rejecting me as a person, and me as a lover, and rejecting my love because I don't look good in clothes, despite how he claims he feels about me. I'm super torn. I'm torn between waiting the month and seeing how I feel about things trying to keep this friendship, and just calling it quits. There are a lot of good reasons to call it quits. I've realized that since I met him, now I see women everywhere that are what he wants. Big boobs, only slightly chubby. I see them and I see him with them. It's like I'm almost obsessed. I see him being infatuated with them. I think, how lucky they must be. I feel inferior. There are days when I feel so slim and amazing and beautiful, but when I'm around him, that feeling disappears. Do I want to have a friendship that does that to me, or is this something within myself that I can get over and eradicate? I don't even know what the reasons for staying friends are. I can't think of any at the moment. There must be. Why would I have stayed friends this long. Maybe Richard was right. Why do I stay friends with him unless I want something more, or am waiting for something more? It's scaring me a lot that I'm leaning towards ending a friendship. It's like tug of war, and I don't really know who's at the other end of the rope pulling against me. old bitching - random - new bitching Sounds Like: Feels Like: 2 fussbugets said... |
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